Perfection is defined when your heart beats next to mine...

"I guess it's gonna have to hurt. I guess I'm gonna have to cry and let go of some things I've loved to get to the other side. It's sad, but sometimes moving on with the rest of your life starts with goodbye."

It's been a long semester. One with many ups and downs. I feel awful for not blogging at all, but I'm making up for it now. I've realized what a release blogging is for me to get all of my feelings out. I hate relationships. period. Sometimes I feel like relationships is one thing in my life that I can actually control, but honestly, you definitely cannot. You can't make someone like or not like you. You can't make people understand the feelings you have for them, even if you tell them bluntly a million times. You can't make people understand you, period. You can't force yourself to trust people when you've been hurt so bad in the past and every guy you've let in recently has let you down. You can't make people happy. People make themselves happy. No matter how hard you try, you can't please everyone.

I'm slowly learning each and every one of these truths. Especially, the last one. It is so hard for me to understand that I can't make eveyone happy. I think I try so hard that I end up failing, which makes me feel even more awful about myself. I just wish I could love myself for who I am, without changing anything about myself. I wish I could do something for me, instead of trying to make everyone else happy by bending over backwards, just for them to let me down in the future.

I don't understand why I can't just get over that one guy. I don't know why I can't trust people. I don't know why I always think the worst about everything. I honestly don't. I don't know why I just can't be happy, why I just can't let go of everything I've ever felt about myself and my relationships. I am so afraid of dying alone. Alone with no friends, alone with no soulmate, ALONE.

People always say if you lie down with dogs, you'll get fleas. So, where are my fleas? Why can't I be confident? Why can't I be like I used to be? Why did he have to hurt me like this? And why am I continuing to let him hurt me every day? Why does he always have to be in the back of my mind?

The funny thing about everyone of those questions, I've already answered them. The beginning quote means the world to me. It's a Carrie Underwood song. The song that came on right after that "one guy" broke up with me. I felt like there was some meaning in it. And still to this day, I have to remind myself that things happen for a reason. Doors close so others can open. The things I learned from each day and every new experience has made me the person who I am today and from now on, I have to make the best of every experience. Stop taking it so negatively, and know something good will come from it. I'm still looking for what good thing is going to happen because of some of the things that have happened recently. When I find out, I will be very grateful.

So, my life so far.
1. I gave my fundraising position up last week. It was definitely bittersweet. I am going to miss the running around and craziness of BMOC and the Chili-cookoff. I was named Recruitment Assistant tonight. :)
2. My grades are finally seeming to show the work that I've put in for this semester. YESSS!
3. I miss my best friend at home, so so much. She definitely is my other half. And I feel like half of me is missing.
4. This semester, I have definitely changed as a person. Mostly because of friends coming in and out of my life. I feel like my change has become a good thing. I am more of the person I aspire to be, but I'm still working towards becoming who I want to be.
5. I have a Calculus Test tomorrow. I've been on YouTube for the past 4 hours watching tutoring videos about how to do calculus because my teacher is awful. I still don't get it.
6. I changed my major. I am now following in the footsteps of my mother. I am an accounting major, and I aspire to work for Zeta Tau Alpha, INC. :)
7. Next semester is going to be VERY hard, but very worth the effort.
8. I will be a more positive person.

I couldn't ask for better friends. Period. And I thank God everyday for the life he has given me, even though I tend to complain about it alot. I'm slowly working toward changing myself.

you know you love me,
KJ

Just come and hold my hand for a while.

I'm so sorry I haven't been blogging. I know all of you are dying to know what I've been doing that has kept me from all of your lovely selves. Well, the answer is EVERYTHING. If you could only imagine. It's been intense.

So, chili cook-off is this weekend. (YAY.) I won't be so busy running around like a mad woman trying to get everything together for this, which makes Kelly a happier, less stressed girl! We almost have everything together though. We have a few couple of last minute things and that's about it for us.

I hate to be negative on here, but I'm going to spill a little of my heart. I'm so homesick. I have no idea why. It seems to hit me at the worst possible times. I miss my family and the people I love sooo much at home. I'm trying to deal with a closure on an ex-boyfriend, who seems to all the sudden have an interest again. Boys are so complicated. :\ I tried to give them up, and came to the conclusion it was just too hard. (Go figure.) My life wouldn't be so complicated if my best friends Jessica and Samantha lived here. Honestly, sometimes I feel like they are the only people I can be myself around. It's hard sometimes to act like everything is perfect in my life, and I'm so happy I have them to fall back on when I all my emotions finally bubbles over.

Back to reality. I think I've finally learned how to put myself into place, which is definitely a good thing for me. I'm starting to learn what my priorities are and how to get them in line...(it only took me 18 years....) But, it makes my life easier now that I can balance everything. Yay me.

This blog has been kind of a downer, sorry guys. I promise this will get better. My life will get better. :) Thanks for all the support all of you have given me. You are amazing people.

Love Life Update:
1. Boys are dumb and I'm not updating this anymore.
2. I kinda like a certain boy, and he'll know soon. :)

You know you love me,
GG

Pointless.

I love Bizzy. Period.

(she made me do this. I'm going to sleep now)

You know you love me,
GG

Tomorrow's my "BIRTHDAY"!

Today was absolutely AMAZING. Kelly is smiling once again. finallyyyy. :)

I want to give a special shoutout to my best girl, Bizzy. She's letting me use her computer and blowing BEAUTIFUL bubbles on me...and they don't even pop. EVEN BETTER! She's my girl. I flipping loveee her. "And, I had the best day with you...today." And you just spilled your plant on the bed. "CALL THE PLANT POLICE!!!"

So, Tomorrow is Hinder!! AHHHHHH! Heck yes. :) Bizzy and I have devised a plan. It's going to be our "Birthday" and we're wearing crowns and hoping to get money to get back! It's going to be awesome, and I will definitely have pictures. We're on the 12th ROW!!! It's going to be great!

I had my busiest day today and it still went okay. I got up at 9:00 AM and got ready for Biology. I went to class and listened to the boring man speak for like EVER and EVER about stupid plants...yuck. Then I went to Trig and listened to that retarded teacher go on and on again about stuff she has no clue about. HAHA. She cracks me up.

More Chili Cookoff stuff tomorrow. Yippeee. :)

Love Life Update:
Guy #1: Done.
Guy #2: Just Wait. I'll be there soon.
Guy #3: :)
Guy #4: I can't wait to meet you.
Guy #5: Skank.
Guy #6: I still wish.
Guy #7: You make me smile. :)

I hope you have a wonderful day. I love you all.

You know you love me,
GG

The Best is yet to Come...

Honey, Why are you crying? Is everything okay?- Hinder

Kelly Jones has officially turned her life around. She is a new person. Just to put that out there. It's definitely been a rough couple of days for sure. But thankfully, they have made me a better person and I truly can testify that you learn from your mistakes; which isn't always a bad thing.

So, I've made some discoveries. :)

Number 1: Boys are cheats and liars, such a big disgrace.
-Haha, okay, not all of them. Just the ones I seem to end up with. I've given up the male gender for a while. They take too much time and only lead me to bad things, like no sleep and not getting homework done. (Sorry mom.) Just kidding about the homework. I always get my homework done somehow. For Real.

Number 2: Shopping has GOT to go.
-I can't do it anymore. It's just gotten to bad for me. I love new things but I need to deal with the things I already have and learn to be more grateful for everything I've been blessed with.

Number 3: My birthday is in 32 days.
-holy freaking crap, YESSSSSS! It's the big 19, everybody. I can't wait.

Number 4: Spring Break is coming up and who doesn't have a tan?
-Oh right, that's me. I'm siked about this trip though. I mean, I'm going on it to get a tan. So, I'm not going to worry about it.

Number 5: I have the most amazing friends in the entire world.
-I honestly couldn't ask for a better group of people. I know these people would be there for me if I called at 4:36 in the morning crying because I couldn't sleep. (4:36, so random, why did I say that?) Samantha Porter, you are the most amazing person I've ever met. I'm so glad your my best friend. Bizzy Card, I don't know what I would do without your crazy self. Morgan Patterson, through thick and thin, babe. I know you'll always be there for me. Even at my wedding when I'm screaming at you in the back room getting ready. Kelsey, girl, you know me like no other. I love you sooo much. Bryan, thanks for always being there. :) you're amazing, kiddo. Gray, so much past, and you're still my friend. Major kudos. :) you mean the world to me. Braden, B, You're awesome. We're like B and S. And I think you might be the only one who understands that. Anyone else?

Number 6: I'm ready for J. Muntz to be here.
-Like for real. Next Fall is going to be CRAZY fun. :) Miss you girl.

That's all my discoveries for now. :)

So, I got the most incredible text message from B the other day.
And quote "James' girlfriend has nothing on you." :)

And this beautiful quote that I'm pretty much living by now:
"Happiness is like a butterfly, the more you chase it, the more it eludes you; But, if you turn your attention to other things, it will come and sit softly on your shoulder."

Love Life Update:
Guy #1: Oh so cute, but he's skank.
Guy #2: Prepare yourself. I'm about to be on the attack. hahaha.
Guy #3: Whatever.
Guy #4: I'm not worried about you anymore. You'll come around soon enough.
Guy #5: Still shady.
Guy #6: I wish. I wish. I wish.
Guy #7: Could you take a look around for a small second?

I can't wait to see Hinder. It's gunna be awesome!!! :) It's going to be a good day.

You know you love me,
GG

I had the best day with you, today.

Okay guys, this one is going to be short. Sorry in advance. (Bizzy's making me do this even though I'm SICK and TIRED.) Anyways, This weekend has been amazing to say the least. It was much better than staying in my dorm room, which is a horrible mess (like too big of a mess to even put a picture on here of it. YIKES!), and sleeping all weekend. I really wish I could get some sleep though. I need it in a major way.

On another note, this fundraising chair is killing me. I thought it was gunna be cool and everything, which don't get me wrong, it is, but it is ALOT of work, more than I expected at least. I'm really happy to have the position though, and it really is making me grow up and be more like an adult, which is something I definitely need.

This weekend has been crazy fun. Friday, Bizzy and I took an exciting trip down highway 25 to Madison, MS, where Bizzy lives. I've been here before, so nothing new. We finally got here after the 3085380307393 stops we had to make because SOMEONE (hmmm, cough Bizzy cough) has a small bladder. We hung around the house for a little bit and managed to somehow make our way back into a frickin' walmart. (go figure.) Oh well, we had fun. and LEGIT fun. :) After that we came back to the house and ate Burger King and went to sleep. OH, and I took some cold medicine and it made me crazy. I had a couple of phone and text conversations that I don't remember having as well as watching a video...I was out of it. MAJORLY.

Today, we had more fun! I got to see my favorite Madison girls, Becca and Mary Carol! We went shopping for stuff for a dance for MC and Bizzy and I picked up a few things along the way. I got really sad today when I went into a shoe store. I picked up the most adorable shoes and tried the right one on and was about to buy these. Luckily, I picked the other one up and tried it on too and it was an 11! HOLY CRAP. Does anyone know how big an 11 is? if you don't, it's HUGE! (no offense to the readers out there if you wear an 11 or larger!) Anyways, I was so disappointed but it worked out because I didn't have the money for the shoes in the first place. We had alot of fun today despite the creepers the past couple of days, and some of our shady friends. UGH.

Love Life Update:
Guy #1: Out of the picture. he's a skank.
Guy #2: Still planning the wedding.
Guy #3: Still done.
Guy #4: Still wondering where you are.
Guy #5: Shady. Done.
Guy#6: Still in the 1%, and feelings are starting to come back.
Guy #7: Still crazy about him. yikes. I miss him so much.

In reference to my love life, I know I may seem like I have alot of guys, but really I don't. hahaa, I do talk to alot. (thanks, Biz.)

It's gunna be a good night. I'm going to sleep now. It's gunna be a fun tomorrow. I can just feel it. :) OH, and a special shoutout goes out to Sallie Ann; I loved meeting you tonight!

You know you love me,
GG

Will you be my Valentine?

Just another Manic Monday. Only, it's thursday. I haven't blogged in a while cause I've just been so busy. Lately, I have barely had time to breathe. It's been pretty crazy around these parts.

On a more serious note, I'm starting to get homesick again. I don't understand why sometimes but I just get in these moods where I just LONG to be back in Southaven. It's kinda sad and honestly, It has nothing to do with the people there. It's just that's where I've always been and learning to change things is hard for me. I've decided I'll be staying in Starkville for a while. It'll keep me busy and I will actually be able to get some rest, which is something I'm in much need of. Fo sho.

I'm still sick. It sucks. I'll be better after this weekend when I actually get sleep. :)

Love Life Update:
Guy #1: Saw him recently. yay. Still cute. :)
Guy #2: Marriage is coming up! haha.
Guy #3: Done. Whatever.
Guy #4: Still MIA.
Guy #5: So, he's sooo sweet. :) I might just like him...
Guy #6: He's in the 1%.

You know you love me,
GG

She wants her nails painted black.

Okay, first off, I am very sorry I haven't been keeping everyone updated like I should. It's just been sooo hectic around here lately. Don't hate me. :)

So this weekend was SUPER AMAZING! I got to see all my favorite people, except one. It was a sad moment in my life. But, I promise, we will hang out soon. Anyways, back to my weekend. Friday night, Kelsey and I spent the night hanging out and discussing everything that I had missed that week. We went to chili's with Samantha and saw a guy get arrested for a fake ID. It was exciting. I kinda made a scene though because I said "He's cuffing him" alot louder than I thought I did. It was a little embarrassing. We actually saw two guys, but one didn't have a fake ID, the cops just thought he did. We sat in the parking lot watching this all go down until we finally had to go back home.

Saturday: I woke up at around 8:00 AM to all the bath tub waters being turned on. Hot water was fresh out in the Jones' house. Fabulous. Especially since I hadn't washed my hair in a couple days. We aren't really sure what happened, but it's fixed now. Kelsey had a basketball game to cheer at, so, everyone had to be up early. The people we called out to fix the hot water problem finally left and I packed my stuff and headed to Samantha's. I picked her up, and we left and went to my house. From there we had breakfast with my mom and went and got a mystic tan. That was an experience. hahahaha. We stank for a while and finally were able to take a shower around 8 and we went out with my mom. :)

Sunday: We had to get up suppperrr early to take samantha back to her house so she could leave for work, and on the way, I forgot my phone. So, we had to go back. Thankfully, we didn't get very far before I realized it. Then, I went to Sam's and got supplies for Zeta's Chili Cookoff and went to pick Bizzy up from Morgan's. We went out to Stix, and ate alot of food. It was alot of fun. We hated that Samantha and Braden missed out.

Monday: I went to the doctor two times, and we drove back. Bizzy and I went and had dinner and I went back and went to bed.

Today hasn't been that great, I woke up very sick this morning, but I'm a little better now. I got to see snow today!! :) I was SOOO excited. We have chapter tonight and have to pass out tickets, so I have to get to work on that. I'll blog sometime later.

Love Life Update:
1. I'm becoming a lesbian. (not really, but I feel like that's the only option right now.)
2. Whatever. I'm done.
3. I will eventually have my cake and eat it too.
Guy #1: Still cute. :)
Guy #2: Needs to lose his girlfriend. Our marriage is soon. haha. :)
Guy #3: Whatever.
Guy #4: WHERE THE HECK ARE YOU?!
Still planning on meeting Guy #4. He's Mr. Right. :)

you know you love me,
GG

Well, Everyone else is doing it...

So, I got this new blog thing finally going. All my friends were on this site. So it got me thinking, maybe I should get a blog too. Anyways, enough about all of that. This morning was very interesting. I had to wake up super early after a long night of phone conversation after phone conversation. It seems like someone is always mad at someone these days. Oh the drama....I thought I left that in high school, but it has seemed to only get worse.

I went to Trig this morning and I swear I could teach that class better than that woman could. Haha, I mean, SERIOUSLY. The woman is suppose to be a grad student in math but can't simplify fractions. In case if anyone didn't know, 2/6 is equal to 1/2 now. :) hahahaaha. Oh and "Identities" is now spelled identies. hahahaha. Crazy woman.

Love Life Update:
Guy #1: I think he's super cute. :)
Guy #2: I'm still gunna marry him.
Guy #3: I miss him SO much. :(

That's about it for the day. I'm going to crawl in my bed with my new heated blanket and nap til about 4:30.

You know you love me,
GG